I have two beautiful children, ages 8 and 10 now, and I was reflecting today on my early days as a mother. I was reminded of how much I wished for a blog post like this one – written by a woman who was just ahead of me on the motherhood path, someone who had already seen the light at the end of the long new mama tunnel, who could show me the way and encourage me during the challenging moments. And let’s face it – most of those early moments are challenging. You know WHY they are challenging? Because all we do is post pictures of our cute babies on social media, showing the happy, organized moments (it’s all most people really want to see of infancy anyway if they are honest). We don’t talk openly about the other, crucial moments where you are scared of losing your freedom, afraid of the changes in your body, and overwhelmed by the noise and the silence of it all. New moms are in their own heads a lot of the time – only sharing the accepted narratives of what we think motherhood should be. Oh, uh uh. This blog isn’t about all the beautiful moments – you’ve got those covered, mama. This blog is about lifting the WOMAN IN YOU, the goddess in you, up, and showing her that it won’t be long before she can return to shine in your world. You’re under water a little bit, mama. But soon, those days will pass. I’m here to tell you that and help you enjoy life under the sea of motherhood too. One day, you’ll long for all of the days – even the hardest ones – to return when your children are too big to be carried in your arms or cuddle in your lap. I promise you.
Here are my Top 5 pieces of Real Deal Goddess Advice for New Moms. Share this with someone you love who’s going through (or about to go through) the sacred birth experience.
- Sometimes you will feel crazy, mama, and it’s normal. Early in your pregnancy, you’re going to start feeling crazy. How crazy depends on you, your hormones, and your circumstances. But let’s just say that you’ll feel a little crazy – scared, anxious, paranoid, unnerved, frustrated, resentful, angry, and silly all at once. With a lot of tears too. It’s OK. Your body is SURGING with hormones and then once baby comes those hormones drop like it’s hot – especially if you have a C-section, and then OMG – you ride another tidal wave of insanity. I’m telling you this because you need to know you’re not alone. We all go through it. Your sanity will return, slowly, as your children age. I can’t speak to past 8 & 10 yet but I feel pretty sane now. Until my son pitches his baseball across the room and hits me or something fragile with it 🙂 If you need a C-section, please talk with your doctor about the hormone cliff and how to navigate the drop in hormones, which in many cases is a chief cause of postpartum depression. I had PPD, and if you think you do, or you might, please see a doctor immediately. You don’t have to suffer alone.
- You are still super smart. Pregnancy and infancy also drain us of sleep. Without good rest, it’s hard to restore your energetic reserves. There’s also a very real state of pregnancy brain, which makes you feel like your brain is made of swiss cheese and some important details just fall in those black holes and disappear. Poof! And it’s OK to lose your edge for a minute, mama. I think it’s nature’s way of not letting you overthink this phase. Trust that people around you can help you hold the details of your life or NOT. If you don’t have a solid support structure in your physical world, you are always always held by spirit guides who are anchoring you on the other side. And your super sharp brain will be back to its normal state of function. For now, let the details slide. Ask for help.
- Let the small shit go… for a few years. No one told me that. And goddess, I wish someone had been kind enough – any of the DOZENS of moms around me at the time – to say “hey guess what? Your house is going to be a shit mess until your kids are 5. Handle it. Don’t invest in new furniture. Don’t clean obsessively. Don’t worry about people visiting you and what they will think of your clothes, sofa, and carpet with spit-up stains you haven’t washed in 2 weeks. Or even that pile of squeaky crib toys you didn’t have the energy to tidy up “yesterday”. NONE OF THAT MATTERS. Ask yourself honestly, mama – before you stress out – will this matter in a month? In a year? No? Then let that shit go. I’m sorry that your house is going to be a shit mess for years. But I need you to know that. And let it go. I look back at old photos of the kids as babies and behind them is a tornado of toys and weird crap. I laugh at it now.
- You are the most important person you can take care of in year 1 after your baby is born. I say this because I know you will take care of your baby. As will your partner (I hope) and some friends and family (I also hope). But you? You are the one who will likely be neglected. Self-care has never been more important than it is right now – right when you are pregnant or nursing or taking care of an under-one baby. Get that sleep. Get a massage. If you can’t afford a massage – and let’s be honest about that too, almost none of us could or can because babies are expensive – then rub your feet at night with essential oils for rest like lavender or chamomile. Let yourself sit for 5 minutes outside with your feet in grass or dirt and your face lifted to the sun. I know when my babies were born I felt like no one cared about me anymore – just the beautiful people I had birthed. If you are feeling less than valuable right now, as your sister, I’m telling you to take charge of the situation. Your baby needs you, but you need you too. Treat yourself as you treat this child you just birthed. You are both important. Equally. If all else fails, come sit with me in Sage Goddess online circles and let us nurture you there.
- The goddess in you is on pause but she’s there, and you need to press play if you want to reactivate her. For most women, the first years after baby comes aren’t glamorous. That’s because we’ve nested deeply into the Mother self, up from Maiden, down from Crone. First years in the mother self are years of sacrifice, sometimes martyrdom in extreme cases, where we let go of our own magic, let it ride under the surface, in order to show up and attend fully to the tasks of motherhood. It’s nature’s way of helping you focus and channel your energy for the safety and security of your line. Once your children reach early days of self-sufficiency – in my experience this was around age 3-4 when my kids started asking to help me with chores and simple tasks – that Kundalini snake goddess sitting in your lower chakras is going to start stirring. Your hips will move again, and you’ll look in the mirror to see that sacred sexy fire burning behind your eyes. You’ll catch yourself smirking back at her, saying “oh there you are!” and from there, your Return to Self begins. I’m telling you this so you don’t rush it – some part of you will always honor the great Mary years of total sacrifice to the birthing and rearing experience. Once You Return to You, your children no longer have “all of you” but they won’t need it either. Mothers who don’t evolve to this stage live vicariously (and dysfunctionally) through their children instead of returning to their goddess selves and living out the terms of their soul contract. Don’t do that. It’s a road to karmic debt that you don’t need to walk. When the goddess starts knocking on your door, let her in. It’s a sign that your babies are now ready to walk about at least part of their path without you hovering.
I hope these tips help you find rest and comfort in the early days, knowing you are not alone and that in fact, you are experiencing a lineage of sacrifice (of your body, your mind, your time, and your freedom) for a few years in service of a much deeper layer of magic that can only unfold once you’ve created life. Let me tell you – Sage Goddess would not exist if I did not have children. They awakened something deep, old, mysterious, dark, light, and beautiful that absolutely propelled, and solidified my magic. I am because they are. But I also prioritize myself in my life and realize that when I am not in my power, they aren’t getting the best of me. No one is. I owe it to the world to stand in my divine birthright of conscious awakening and so do you.
For now, rest. It’s a long, but beautiful road.. The best days of your life are both now, today, in this moment, and ahead, as the journey unfolds. Amen, Aho, So it is.