A few years after our children were born, we had to short-sell the house they were born in – and I fell apart. It’s not easy to move across a state with small children, especially when they’re dragged away from the place their lives were conceived – away from the home you brought them to from the hospital, away from the friends and family who surrounded you at that time.
The Universe was expunging us from our home. There were many subtle signs that our time there had come to an end – signs that we steadily ignored in favor of our stubborn will, and our idea of where we “should” be. As the saying goes, let go or be dragged, and I was dragged for sure – it felt very much against my will. I cried the whole way to our new home because I could not imagine how my life could get any better than it already was; yet an extraordinary adventure was ahead. Still, I fought the process tooth, nail, and bone. It would take years before I could understand what was ahead of me.
I’m not a patient person, but I needed to watch. Listen. And learn. Double fire, Sun in 1st house, make-it-happen Athena would need to wait. In situations like this, even when you know you’re being led to something better, it can be hard to say “thank you.” I was still learning to be grateful for the rhythms and cycle of life.
That was 7 years ago almost to the day. A complete cycle, a cosmic revolution of sorts, has passed. So much has returned to its set point since that time. I am now rooted in a place and a home that would not have been mine – I’m sure of it – had I fought any harder, put my foot down a little more solidly on that ground of resistance. We can always fight harder to stay where we are – but I knew if I fought any harder, my health would fail. I could feel it in my bones, my nerves, my skin.
Are you in one of these do-or-die moments right now? You might not recognize it if you’re too far into the moment. You have to be ahead of it, where you can sense it coming on the wind. Or behind it, where that rearview mirror lets you see exactly what just happened to you with crystal clarity.
If you’re behind it, let go and surrender. If you’re in it, keep swimming. And if you’re ahead of it, give thanks for wherever you’ve landed. For it’s an intended place.
An intended place.
Life moves in cycles. Some of the cycles are tiny – days, weeks, even minutes. And other cycles are sweeping and transformational – where every part of your body, mind, and spirit is changed for the experience. Where you look back and say to yourself, “wow! How the fuck did I survive that?” and where you look back and smile to yourself as you think, “If I had known what was coming …” with whatever truth revealed itself.
The Universe had to pull and expose that strength before it could hold up its massive mirror to show you your Stronger Self. You’re a warrior. You climb mountains. You serve others with grace. You show up to life and meet its demands. You were always strong enough.
What are your cycles teaching you? I’m learning that I’m a curator of comfort. Wherever I’m planted, I bloom and I make it beautiful. I know how to make others feel safe during times of transition, through simple gestures that invoke a sense of “home” and “place.” Where it’s safe to be and become.
If you look back seven years ago, what was happening in your life? What things, people, or experiences were being taken from you in order to create space for something bigger, and more deeply aligned with your path and your truth? Did you surrender or resist? And when the next wave comes, how do you think you will respond? Next time maybe you’ll take that deep inhale and go voluntarily into that void of creation, trusting that the Universe has your back.
You can appreciate the medicine of a cycle and still look back over your shoulder with a little longing. It helped me to go back to that house a few years ago, knock on the door, and see the owners (who I loved!) and see how much beauty they brought to the home I loved. They made it their own and it’s perfect for them. The couple who sold us our current home were divorcing and finishing a cycle too. A chain of magic, a series of events, a cast of characters, all moving in the sacred rhythm of cycles. We have many partners in this dance.
I hope that when your waves come, you swim out to meet them. They are carrying you somewhere magnificent. And they’ll bring you there safely, even tenderly, once you stop resisting. The flow begins.
Amen, Aho, So it is.
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