Looking For Love in all the Wrong Places

Musings looking for love

Looking For Love in all the Wrong Places

Have you ever felt as though you were looking for love in all the wrong places?

Remember that song, Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places? I do. I was very young when Kenny Rogers correction, Johnny Lee (my mistake!) released that famous song, but even at the time – long before I would enter into romantic partnership – I wondered to myself, is there a wrong place to look for love?

Children ask big questions but often wait decades for big answers. I’ve got some big answers here.

Are you ready to receive them?

I believe that more than half of marriages end in divorce because we expect to receive something from a partner that they aren’t obligated or prepared (either or both) to give us. The first part, the obligation, is unfair to expect; the other part, the preparation, involves their own soul path and spiritual development that is independent of our desire or need. That’s on them.

And yet, so many of us who are looking for love, sit and ask ourselves, “Why can’t this person give me what I need? Why doesn’t s/he love me or love me more?”. WHAT IF you changed your perspective on your relationship. WHAT IF you decided that feeling loved – however you define it – relies solely on you and your relationship with the Divine? Then, what your partner offers you is gravy, it’s extra, it’s sauce on your pasta. It’s not the dish. It’s not the main course. YOU are the main course in your life, and there is a a power greater than you who (I believe) is there to sustain, nurture, and replenish you.

The key in the door

All of this hinges of course on a few specific operating assumptions:

1) That you believe in God or a divine source of energy in the Universe that created you, loves you, and supports you unconditionally
2) That your partner is someone good and kind but human, who needs slack cut to him/her in order to be human and still qualify as a decent partner to you (meaning that if someone deliberately hurts you physically or emotionally, I don’t define them as a good and kind partner)
3) That you believe YOU are a fundamentally worthy person who deserves love in all forms.

That last part, #3, I can’t help you with. That has to come from you.

If you feel unloved in your life, the work begins right here: At that place, that moment, where you say “I don’t feel loved.” I believe that at the moment of acknowledging how alone you feel – and let’s be honest, we all drop down in that ugly cavern of solitude pretty often! – the Universe conspires to show you how not alone you really are.

You’re never alone.

You were born a star, literally, and your existence is proof that the galaxies conspired to bring you here. In your DNA, in your fingerprints, in your soul is the very pattern of creation echoed in every Life Force, every being, every plant, creature, and crystal on the planet. You are plugged in to all of us. So guess what? I love you! I am you. And you are me. What you love in me is just what you love in you, because we are the same and I’m a mirror of you. What you fear in me is just what you fear in you, because we are the same and I’m a mirror of you.

You are loved, you are held, you are a being of light and you are surrounded by a Universe that sees you, created you, and supports your life in every moment. You matter. You are needed. You have a purpose, mission, and task. Now, the only work is to believe. I know that’s the hardest work of all. But you are a child of the Divine, a sister or brother of mine, and a guardian of the secrets of the cosmos. I need you. We need you. And the Divine in me sees the Divine in you.

Next time you’re looking for love in another mortal, I hope you find what you’re seeking, but if you don’t, remember this post. Love with a capital L is found not in another person, but within YOU and then it’s plastered across the galaxies, written in the stars, tattooed in your DNA and on your skin, echoed in the crystals and minerals, etched in the memories of trees, carved into the edifices and deserts of our beautiful planet. It’s all there waiting for you.

Aho, amen, so it is.

4 thoughts on “Looking For Love in all the Wrong Places

  1. Great post but Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places was sung by Johnny Lee……it was used in the movie Urban Cowboy……I’m old enough to remember it well 🙂

  2. I needed these words. Thank you so much for them.
    I was sexually abused by my father, and there were other forms of abuse as well. I’m 30 years-old and only now have I given myself permission to feel, to express all the hurt & damage that was done to me, because as a child, I wasn’t allowed to express myself or cry, so I numbed myself in order to cope. I know my heart chakra is in need of all sorts of healing & mending, and I’m working on this little by little. My husband & son need a wife & mother who is healed. They are my inspiration. I strive to show them & others the love & compassion that I know resides deep inside, buried, scared, wounded. I have fallen into the trap of neediness before, but I’m growing stronger everyday. Admittedly, it took me a long time to untangle from the distrust of my earthly parent, which I equated to & projected on God, the Divine Father, as well. I’m learning to trust in the Divine, but it, too, has been a slow process. Thank you again, Athena.

  3. Ah sweet Sage Goddess! This is so relevant…..Thank you for posting. I was so unhappy (extreme understatement as I was almost suicidal) looking for love, for answers, for validation outside of myself…..Thinking I loved myself but not honoring myself in so many ways….. It makes all the difference in the world when you nurture, embrace and LOVE your own true self. This has been a long and painful journey, but I have finally arrived. It all begins withIN (which sounds so easy and obvious right?!) I am much happier and grounded and finally creating from the “realest” place, my own heart soul self. Peace and love and blessings to you. I have only JUST discovered your site and all it’s beautiful offerings (I immediately ordered some of your sacred soaps and a charming little labradorite seahorse!) . Thank you for creating such a truly beautiful place for us to gather and gain sustenance. Wishing you great joy and success with all that you are! <3

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