I’ve noticed an interesting phenomenon recently, one in which people who are working through old trauma and releasing old karma find themselves wishing to become the “intentional opposite” of someone or something they resist. An abusive parent, a domineering spouse or partner, a boss they perceive as rigid or intolerant, a friend who has loose or porous boundaries. Those words – intentional opposite – are mine, not theirs. The words I hear others use are “I will not be like him” or “I won’t ever do what she did” or “I want to find out what the OPPOSITE looks like of what he or she did or stood for, and just become that. It has to be better.”
What happens here in this phenomenon of consciously creating an opposite experience, even though it might feel like swinging a big old pendulum in a new direction that looks nothing like what you feared, denied, or escaped, actually ends up creating a new and different set of challenges. Becoming the opposite of what you hate doesn’t transform you into love. Becoming of the opposite of what you fear doesn’t protect you from harm. Becoming the opposite of what you dislike doesn’t make you more likable. In fact by consciously turning the wheel 180 degrees away from something you want to escape, you create a vibration of avoidance that prevents you from doing three very important things critical to your soul’s growth. These three essential tasks are: 1) Becoming who YOU are meant to be, 2) Learning from people and circumstances, and 3) Experiencing deep compassion, forgiveness, and allowance.
You know I’m a huge Rumi fan, and one of my favorite quotes of his is: “If you are bothered by every rub, how will you be polished?” If you only learn to be you by forcefully and willfully becoming the opposite of what you dislike, fear, or wish to avoid, then where are YOU in all of this? I can assure you, Source Creator did not bring you here to run away and hide, or critique everyone from a lofty place of self-righteousness, or dodge lessons and people. You are here to learn, grow, and find out who you are through the exchanges, relationships, and experiences you have. The hard things and people are teachers to you, dear one. Don’t resist them. Because if you do, you’ll keep getting the same visitor over and over in different clothing.
That is law. What you resist, persists. Sometimes for a lifetime.
Creating conscious opposition in life prevents flow, blocks abundance, and steals joy. Next time you find yourself saying “I want to be the opposite of that/him/her/them” turn that mirror on yourself and ask yourself, “What am I learning here? And why am I wanting to flee from it?” Rather than running, integrate. Try the very scary step of asking yourself what parts of the challenge are really parts of you that are being mirrored back to you right now, parts of you that may need deeper love and compassion than you’ve ever offered before. If you persist and stop resisting, you’ll learn that grand lesson once and for all and proceed beyond it. Patterns shifted. Chains broken. That’s not avoidance; that’s liberation. I speak from experience. I’ve done all that avoiding, blaming, and scapegoating. And I know what the outcome is. I’m here to save you some time and heartache.
(Oh and before I leave the subject, I have to add the caveat that if you are being emotionally or physically abused in any way, then all bets are off – don’t set out to create an intentional opposite but also don’t stick around and try to make that work. Abuse isn’t your birthright.)
May you find peace in the integration. It is the path to peace, growth, alignment, balance, and the birth of your fullest self.
Aho, Amen, So it is.